Thank God!

2010-02-08T16:31:00.000-08:00

I thank the Lord every day for being with me. After losing the love of my life to drugs and now to see him fooling EVERYONE! "I'm Cured" When 18 - 24 months I watched him go through withdrawl, never to tell a living SOAL what he's confessed to me... (that he's been stealing my narcotic prescription medication for MONTHS!). You said you were "SO SORRY"... we got your through the withrawls, I really thought we had made it. My heart scored. Until 12 months ago I noticed I was short again! Again, "I'm so Sorry"... 8 Months again... "I'm so sorry"... I'll never do it again.." I told him the next time he gets help or gets out! 6 Months ago (September 2009) he did it again... I proceeded to take my kids to my final event of the year and leave him with a letter explaining my feelings. That he must remove everything from the house before my return and promise by signing my letter to never do it again... My heart was crushed. The love of my life could no longer be trusted, my faith in him and in us was totally shattered. I turned to counseling, and have turned to assistance through other groups for support (Alanon) I am so hurt now, that I don't see me every recovering. I asked him to give me some space, to just leave for a while, to maybe move in with his Mother. He got PISSED.. "DON'T YOU DARE TELL MY MOTHER OR ELSE!" So needless to say He did it again so when I confronted him about telling his Mom and all he got really angry... I then found out I was in need of Major surgery... (a Hysterectomy).. he BEGGED ME to stay with me.. that he'd give me a "break" by moving out of the big bed and letting me have it AND to be there for me and the kids while I am down. Maybe there is hope... but by now I have told everyone, including my job, who have given me advice on how to handle myself professionally at all times. so I have... I did, but...

yep.. He did it again... actually CAUGHT HIM IN THE ACT! Spun on my heels and went back where I had came through.. He jumped, up off the floor under the desk where my purse was, started organizing papers on the ottoman by the desk to cover his ass... but it was now too late. I begged him to "LEAVE MY STUFF ALONE SO I CAN GO UNDER THE KNIFE!" I couldn't' believe I had to worry about him at the toughest time in my life.. Having a hysterectomy was going to throw me head first into menopause.. the EXACT time when my Mom died. And yet he chose from that day forward to not have any remorse... admit he has a problem anything... who knows the lies he's now telling his Mom now that he's living with her... but instead, uses words like "This is a Long time coming"... I'm not leaving, I'm going to see what is "OWED" to me" Telling me, I'm not moving bitch, you move, "put your money where your mouth is" Yatta yatta ya... but as dong so he took a swing at me, and needless to say the love of my life totally came crashing down like the walls of Jericho.

I today am now trying to locate Danny Dawson because I want to Apologize for everything we did to him. I should have let Danny give me kids when he begged me to... Because I heard the next year he lost his Mom too.. now who knows what he's doing now too..

The Love of My Life, Crushed our Life, for what...

Thank God!